My parents officially divorced when I was thirteen. Mom left the city to travel. I don't resent her for any of that, I'd want to stay as far away as I could from the man that openly cheated on me since the "marriage" too.
But I couldn't. He was everywhere--drunk, loud, his arms around strange women. Ever since I was born it's been that way. Nobody bothered to stop him, but they sure as hell felt the need to treat me badly by virtue of being his daughter just because he flirted with employees. It's not like I could avoid him, him being a high ranking official at my school.
He'd blubber and cry about how he loves me and Mom, but I knew where his heart really was--tied up in his own selfish flings. I lost a lot of friends as a kid because of him hitting on their moms. I lost so much because of him.
...But, stupid me, I'm still the one that needs to ignore that and accept he'll never change. Need to think about forgiving him for saying I hate him.
[Maka can't, though. She can't forgive all he's done, can't accept that he never tried to change.]
I realized I didn't need a father, just like Mom didn't need her husband. I never had cousins or aunts and uncles, grandparents, none of that. It was pretty easy to accept that I wasn't meant to have a family.
[...]
But here, I started feeling like that towards people. I thought "this is how I think a dad or brother or sister should be." ...Yet, when I started feeling like that, they'd leave. I know it's not intentionally but...it still gives me this sick feeling. "You're not allowed to have a new family, Maka, accept what you were given and get over it."
[Sadly, Maka isn't sounding choked up at all. She's done enough crying about it over the years, here and at home, now she feels too numb to even sniffle.]
So...I can't. It's not that I don't think, I can't think. It hurts too much.
[Voice]
My parents officially divorced when I was thirteen. Mom left the city to travel. I don't resent her for any of that, I'd want to stay as far away as I could from the man that openly cheated on me since the "marriage" too.
But I couldn't. He was everywhere--drunk, loud, his arms around strange women. Ever since I was born it's been that way. Nobody bothered to stop him, but they sure as hell felt the need to treat me badly by virtue of being his daughter just because he flirted with employees. It's not like I could avoid him, him being a high ranking official at my school.
He'd blubber and cry about how he loves me and Mom, but I knew where his heart really was--tied up in his own selfish flings. I lost a lot of friends as a kid because of him hitting on their moms. I lost so much because of him.
...But, stupid me, I'm still the one that needs to ignore that and accept he'll never change. Need to think about forgiving him for saying I hate him.
[Maka can't, though. She can't forgive all he's done, can't accept that he never tried to change.]
I realized I didn't need a father, just like Mom didn't need her husband. I never had cousins or aunts and uncles, grandparents, none of that. It was pretty easy to accept that I wasn't meant to have a family.
[...]
But here, I started feeling like that towards people. I thought "this is how I think a dad or brother or sister should be." ...Yet, when I started feeling like that, they'd leave. I know it's not intentionally but...it still gives me this sick feeling. "You're not allowed to have a new family, Maka, accept what you were given and get over it."
[Sadly, Maka isn't sounding choked up at all. She's done enough crying about it over the years, here and at home, now she feels too numb to even sniffle.]
So...I can't. It's not that I don't think, I can't think. It hurts too much.