[It's not easy, it's just that Rise got attached to Perry since he's been there for her since he's arrived. That's what dad's do.
She perks up, tilting her head.]
How about you bring up something like that in a conversation? You could always ask him how he feels about having kids. Especially is he's with someone he really loves.
[A noise of discontent comes and Maka shakes her head--though Rise can't see it.]
He doesn't look it, but he's pretty young. Not as young as my dad was when I was born, but still young. My dad sure as hell wasn't ready to be a father, I don't think he even wanted to be one, I doubt he would either. Besides, I don't have the best luck with that sort of thing, if I start getting attached to him like that he might leave me behind somehow.
Well... Perry is pretty young, too. [How do you guess a Platypus' turned human age?] Not every guy wants to be a dad, but it's still something that should be talked about, especially if he's with someone he loves a lot.
[That... sounds so sad...] So you don't think any of your friends could ever be like family to you?
My parents officially divorced when I was thirteen. Mom left the city to travel. I don't resent her for any of that, I'd want to stay as far away as I could from the man that openly cheated on me since the "marriage" too.
But I couldn't. He was everywhere--drunk, loud, his arms around strange women. Ever since I was born it's been that way. Nobody bothered to stop him, but they sure as hell felt the need to treat me badly by virtue of being his daughter just because he flirted with employees. It's not like I could avoid him, him being a high ranking official at my school.
He'd blubber and cry about how he loves me and Mom, but I knew where his heart really was--tied up in his own selfish flings. I lost a lot of friends as a kid because of him hitting on their moms. I lost so much because of him.
...But, stupid me, I'm still the one that needs to ignore that and accept he'll never change. Need to think about forgiving him for saying I hate him.
[Maka can't, though. She can't forgive all he's done, can't accept that he never tried to change.]
I realized I didn't need a father, just like Mom didn't need her husband. I never had cousins or aunts and uncles, grandparents, none of that. It was pretty easy to accept that I wasn't meant to have a family.
[...]
But here, I started feeling like that towards people. I thought "this is how I think a dad or brother or sister should be." ...Yet, when I started feeling like that, they'd leave. I know it's not intentionally but...it still gives me this sick feeling. "You're not allowed to have a new family, Maka, accept what you were given and get over it."
[Sadly, Maka isn't sounding choked up at all. She's done enough crying about it over the years, here and at home, now she feels too numb to even sniffle.]
So...I can't. It's not that I don't think, I can't think. It hurts too much.
[It was good that Maka couldn't see Rise's reaction. This was all so heartbreaking to hear, and the lack of emotion on the others part made it worse. She tries her best not to cry for her friend.
She's not too good at holding back her tears.]
You didn't deserve all that! Those people... they're just awful... why were they blaming you for what your dad did? You didn't make him do those things! And why didn't your mom take you with her? I just...
[Rise is going to cry for you right now, Maka. It might take a while.]
It's not fair... You're so nice, and smart, and you're such a good friend... It's just not fair!
[Oh. Oh no. Maka had forgotten how sensitive the other girl was. And now she made her cry.]
I--I'm sorry, I didn't tell you that so you could feel bad for me. I'm not some tragic heroine, after all.
...Sometimes I do wonder how it would have turned out if Mom had taken me with her. But you know what? If I did, I wouldn't have gone to my school and met all my friends. And...the nice thing about my school is you can live on your own, so I never had to depend on Papa for anything.
So...no, it wasn't fair, but you know? It made me a stronger person. I learned to rely on myself and carry myself proudly. Yeah, I...know there's a gap in how I relate to people now, but...that doesn't make my feelings towards the people I care about less real. I care a lot about all my friends, and what I have with them is stronger to me than...whatever I used to have with my parents. [Though, unfortunately, even though distance, time, and rumination has made her wary about the idea of forgiving Spirit that doesn't mean she has no love for him. As much as she thinks it'd be better if she didn't, Maka still carries a little spark of love for her father.] So...please don't cry.
[She says this with sincerity--of course, Maka doesn't want anyone to make a fuss over her, not now or ever. How did her mind get in this tangled mess and trap her into talking about distressing things again...?
Dad. That word, applied to another person. Honestly...]
Rise, I really admire that you still have the courage to open your heart to people as family. You are so strong.
[Even though the words register, it's going to take a lot more to make Rise stop sniffling like a small child.
It's not until she's called strong that she hiccups softly before answering.]
N-No... you're a lot stronger.. You faced all those painful things and didn't run away like I did. I didn't have any friends growing up, not even when I was an idol. I ran away from being an idol... and I didn't make friends until I almost died.
[That's a story for another time.]
You're so much stronger than I could ever be. I'm just someone who gets attached to people way too easily if they're nice to me.
[Something Rise wishes she could change about herself.]
[She says it emphatically. Honestly, Maka doesn't understand people who consider bonds as some kind of weakness--they make you stronger in all kinds of ways, even if they end up hurting sometimes. Yes, she has difficulty with family bonds personally, but that doesn't mean she considers them invalid.]
So what if you ran from your problems in the past, so what if you get attached to people that are nice? That's totally natural for people to do. What does it matter I'm "stronger"--we're different people, Rise, we grew up in different times and different places. I just got done fighting a war, but that doesn't mean you need to be strong like me--you're strong like you and I'm strong like me! People all have courage and that's what matters most.
[A pause, she flips on the video.]
Rise Kujikawa, if I ever hear you saying bad things about yourself again, I'm going to shake it right out of you!
[This is the first time anyone has ever said these things to her that didn't involve conquering her Shadow. Her friends were encouraging... but Maka was different. Someone who hadn't seen the worst of her, seen the ugliness, insecurities, and all that she had fought so hard to keep down. Having them hit so hard again just reminds Rise that there was still a lot of doubts in her.]
You're right. It's still not easy...
[When the video pops on, she squeaks and covers her face with on hand. She wasn't wearing any makeup, Maka!]
[Makeup?? Who cares, this is super serious friendship times.]
Of course it's not easy...that's why life is an adventure.
[Scared her? Right, Soul does tell her that she gets this demonic-like look sometimes.]
Sorry, I just...don't like it when people compare their experiences to each others' unfavorably. People might share things in common, but there's no way for everyone to be similar enough to compare to each other.
Yeah, and either he'll be less uncomfortable if we're shopping for ourselves too...or just think it was a ruse to get him to go with us on a shopping trip.
[Boys think like that.]
Anyway, I'll have Flash bring you over on the 19th, then we can get the thing rolling. I'll talk to you later, okay?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
dangerousidol) wrote2015-03-03 02:05 pm
[Voice]
She perks up, tilting her head.]
How about you bring up something like that in a conversation? You could always ask him how he feels about having kids. Especially is he's with someone he really loves.
[Voice]
He doesn't look it, but he's pretty young. Not as young as my dad was when I was born, but still young. My dad sure as hell wasn't ready to be a father, I don't think he even wanted to be one, I doubt he would either. Besides, I don't have the best luck with that sort of thing, if I start getting attached to him like that he might leave me behind somehow.
[Voice]
[That... sounds so sad...] So you don't think any of your friends could ever be like family to you?
[Voice]
My parents officially divorced when I was thirteen. Mom left the city to travel. I don't resent her for any of that, I'd want to stay as far away as I could from the man that openly cheated on me since the "marriage" too.
But I couldn't. He was everywhere--drunk, loud, his arms around strange women. Ever since I was born it's been that way. Nobody bothered to stop him, but they sure as hell felt the need to treat me badly by virtue of being his daughter just because he flirted with employees. It's not like I could avoid him, him being a high ranking official at my school.
He'd blubber and cry about how he loves me and Mom, but I knew where his heart really was--tied up in his own selfish flings. I lost a lot of friends as a kid because of him hitting on their moms. I lost so much because of him.
...But, stupid me, I'm still the one that needs to ignore that and accept he'll never change. Need to think about forgiving him for saying I hate him.
[Maka can't, though. She can't forgive all he's done, can't accept that he never tried to change.]
I realized I didn't need a father, just like Mom didn't need her husband. I never had cousins or aunts and uncles, grandparents, none of that. It was pretty easy to accept that I wasn't meant to have a family.
[...]
But here, I started feeling like that towards people. I thought "this is how I think a dad or brother or sister should be." ...Yet, when I started feeling like that, they'd leave. I know it's not intentionally but...it still gives me this sick feeling. "You're not allowed to have a new family, Maka, accept what you were given and get over it."
[Sadly, Maka isn't sounding choked up at all. She's done enough crying about it over the years, here and at home, now she feels too numb to even sniffle.]
So...I can't. It's not that I don't think, I can't think. It hurts too much.
[Voice]
She's not too good at holding back her tears.]
You didn't deserve all that! Those people... they're just awful... why were they blaming you for what your dad did? You didn't make him do those things! And why didn't your mom take you with her? I just...
[Rise is going to cry for you right now, Maka. It might take a while.]
It's not fair... You're so nice, and smart, and you're such a good friend... It's just not fair!
[Voice]
[Oh. Oh no. Maka had forgotten how sensitive the other girl was. And now she made her cry.]
I--I'm sorry, I didn't tell you that so you could feel bad for me. I'm not some tragic heroine, after all.
...Sometimes I do wonder how it would have turned out if Mom had taken me with her. But you know what? If I did, I wouldn't have gone to my school and met all my friends. And...the nice thing about my school is you can live on your own, so I never had to depend on Papa for anything.
So...no, it wasn't fair, but you know? It made me a stronger person. I learned to rely on myself and carry myself proudly. Yeah, I...know there's a gap in how I relate to people now, but...that doesn't make my feelings towards the people I care about less real. I care a lot about all my friends, and what I have with them is stronger to me than...whatever I used to have with my parents. [Though, unfortunately, even though distance, time, and rumination has made her wary about the idea of forgiving Spirit that doesn't mean she has no love for him. As much as she thinks it'd be better if she didn't, Maka still carries a little spark of love for her father.] So...please don't cry.
[She says this with sincerity--of course, Maka doesn't want anyone to make a fuss over her, not now or ever. How did her mind get in this tangled mess and trap her into talking about distressing things again...?
Dad. That word, applied to another person. Honestly...]
Rise, I really admire that you still have the courage to open your heart to people as family. You are so strong.
[Voice]
It's not until she's called strong that she hiccups softly before answering.]
N-No... you're a lot stronger.. You faced all those painful things and didn't run away like I did. I didn't have any friends growing up, not even when I was an idol. I ran away from being an idol... and I didn't make friends until I almost died.
[That's a story for another time.]
You're so much stronger than I could ever be. I'm just someone who gets attached to people way too easily if they're nice to me.
[Something Rise wishes she could change about herself.]
[Voice]
[She says it emphatically. Honestly, Maka doesn't understand people who consider bonds as some kind of weakness--they make you stronger in all kinds of ways, even if they end up hurting sometimes. Yes, she has difficulty with family bonds personally, but that doesn't mean she considers them invalid.]
So what if you ran from your problems in the past, so what if you get attached to people that are nice? That's totally natural for people to do. What does it matter I'm "stronger"--we're different people, Rise, we grew up in different times and different places. I just got done fighting a war, but that doesn't mean you need to be strong like me--you're strong like you and I'm strong like me! People all have courage and that's what matters most.
[A pause, she flips on the video.]
Rise Kujikawa, if I ever hear you saying bad things about yourself again, I'm going to shake it right out of you!
[Voice]
[This is the first time anyone has ever said these things to her that didn't involve conquering her Shadow. Her friends were encouraging... but Maka was different. Someone who hadn't seen the worst of her, seen the ugliness, insecurities, and all that she had fought so hard to keep down. Having them hit so hard again just reminds Rise that there was still a lot of doubts in her.]
You're right. It's still not easy...
[When the video pops on, she squeaks and covers her face with on hand. She wasn't wearing any makeup, Maka!]
A-All right! All right! Don't scare me like that!
[Who even knows anymore]
Of course it's not easy...that's why life is an adventure.
[Scared her? Right, Soul does tell her that she gets this demonic-like look sometimes.]
Sorry, I just...don't like it when people compare their experiences to each others' unfavorably. People might share things in common, but there's no way for everyone to be similar enough to compare to each other.
no subject
... It's something everyone around me does, even back home. It's a really hard habit to break.
[There's a smile now.]
Thank you. You're a really good friend, you know.
no subject
[She tries all the time, and sometimes it's really hard.]
Well...we might have gotten off-track with this. We were talking about Ken's birthday and now what?
no subject
[That was it, right?]
no subject
[Horrifically so.]
What else...oh! Did you want to do some shopping of our own while we're at it? I think we're a little overdue as well.
no subject
Of course! I can always use more variety in my wardrobe~
no subject
[Boys think like that.]
Anyway, I'll have Flash bring you over on the 19th, then we can get the thing rolling. I'll talk to you later, okay?
no subject
[She nods, marking down the day.]
I'll text you with where I am on the 18th! See you then~!